Everybody Wants a Day

©Today's Sunbeam
by Reesa Marchetti

Sometimes the trash can is my favorite piece of office equipment.

With my guidance, the preposterous press releases that come across my desk daily go right there. These notices — which I've been getting more and more of lately — proclaim commemorative days, weeks and months, some sanctioned by Congress, all touting their own special cause.

I began pondering this overabundance of commemorativeness, about the time the package from National Headache Awareness Month landed on my desk, complete with coupons for aspirin.

It seems that every cause under the sun wants its own place in it. Every day is a national day, week or month for someone or something, and every someone or something is proud of it — and not at all shy about letting me know.

This year, April hosted both National Panic Week and National Artichoke Week, which was a good thing for people who are afraid of prickly vegetables. And why shouldn't they be?

It's also good that Eat What You Want Day arrives in May, and National Clean Out Your Fridge Day comes just in time for Thanksgiving.

Prune Breakfast Month and Oatmeal Month were both in January, preceded by National Maple Syrup Day. Now wasn't that a little out of order?

Other foods that have their own days or month are Chicken, Turkey, Bratwurst, Pigs-in-a-Blanket, Clams on the Half Shell, Fresh Fruit and Vegetables, Beans, Pretzels, Popcorn, Garlic, Gazpacho, Mustard, various Nuts, Desserts including Butterscotch Pudding and of course, Ice Cream.

Ice cream even has its own subdivisions, for example, Vanilla, Rocky Road, etc. Fortunately these are followed by Vegetarian Day on Oct. 1 and National Bicarbonate of Soda Day, Dec. 30.

Professions are celebrated, too. I'm not sure where this all started. Perhaps Secretary's Day, whose only real celebrants are greeting card companies and florists, was the first.

Even though hardly anyone is called a secretary these days — they've all become administrative assistants — employers all over the nation continue to spend their money on useless items for their typists, probably to assuage their guilt about making their secretaries always say that they're in a meeting.

Accountants, Clowns, Engineers, Hikers, Kids, Lawyers, Nurse's Assistants, Poets and Whale Watchers all have their own days or weeks now.

And the Biomedical Engineers organization has been petitioning Bill Clinton and the U.S. Congress for its own nationally-sanctioned week. So that everyone will know that they are: "the people who maintain, in all ways, the medical equipment used in today's healthcare profession ... from the light the doctor uses to look in your ear, to the ventilator placed on patients who need assistance in breathing."

I guess we'd all breathe easier knowing that.

There are many excellent health-related causes, such as those celebrating immunization, nutrition, safety, awareness of breast cancer and other illnesses. But do we really need a National Condom Week?

We have Pooh Day, World Friendship Day and Football, Basketball and Legos days.

Every dog has its day (Be Kind to Animals Week).

But when do I get mine: perhaps during Middle-aged, Artificial Redheads Week?

Or maybe I'll find the real answer on Nov. 1, an occasion I'm really looking forward to: National Makeover Day.